Saturday, February 17, 2007

KKare for Dinner Time Stories?

I've been watching TV and I've been very konfused.

7:30 p.m.

Neeraj loves his wife Archana. (The names have been changed because I don't remember what they really were.) She loves him back, but loves herself more.
Archana is, what I presumed from one episode that I dared to watch, a doctor. She is characterised with long rebonded hair and oodles of makeup. She wears only striped sarees and heels. At home.
Neeraj, is ugly. No, really. UGLY.
And, if he's at home all day following his wife from bedroom to living room to fight with her in a blue tie-dye kurta that does NOT suit him on how she is NOT the ideal wife, I also presume he is unemployed, but rich.

Now, cut to a kid in school, an oily kid with oily plaited hair who is supposedly cute. Her father, who looks like he needs babysitting himself has a crush on her teacher.

Cut to the teacher. She dresses to school like its the Principal's Bar Mitzvah. She's barely twenty two, and is very mature and loving and has failed in love. So obviously, oily kid's diaper bearing father doesn't interest her. She loves only the one she lost - NEERAJ!!!!!

Back to Neeraj in his blue hideous kurta. He tells his wife their kid is the head of the football team in school. She thinks that's ok, but what really rocks is she's going to London for a conference where only 1 in 1000 are selected to attend. Neeraj is upset, and tells her she is not the ideal wife/mother and even her hair's fake.

8:00 p.m.

Uncle's got some 200 sons. They all live together under the same darned roof. All his sons are married but only one of the sons is the reincarnation of Lord Ram. His wife, as you've guess by now, is the clone of Sita.
Uncle comes back one day with a new wife, who's not really his wife but a prank on the family because the women in the household are too liberated.
Aunty is scary looking, but is apparently the world's best mom/wife. Why so? Because she accepts her husband bringing in the new wife who really reminded me of my headteacher in 6th grade. She even.. sob.. GIVES HER THE KIJORI KI CHAAVI!!!!!!
Obviously, Aunty #2's a bitch.

8:30 p.m.

Raj (name changed for lack of memory) looks like seventh grade drop out. He's RICH so hell cares. He's apparently a spoilt kid (duhh!) and has recently been resurrected from the dark side of anti-tradition and all because he's in love. With a hooker. With a hooker who last seen, dressed like Akka Maha Devi.
He wants to marry her. Samskruti/Samskaar/Maa TV fan club head, his mom, will castrate him if he does so. So he thinks of the most brilliant plan in the world.
He tells his mom his Vivian Ward is a princess.. No kidding.
His mom falls for it. She wants her son to marry her.

9:00 p.m.

A good man has impregnated his wife's sister's neice's mother-in-law's uncle's step grandmother and has lost his memory.

9:30 p.m.

An evil man has impregnated his wife's sister's neice's mother-in-law's uncle's step grandmother and is dead.

10:00 p.m.

The rebirth of a fire fighting woman has come back into the same household and will take revenge on the family because she died 20 years back and remembers even what color underwear her daughter, now aunt wore then. According to logistics, the woman who was her great grandmother in her last birth who is still live, kicking and making parathas should be atleast 178 years old.

10:30 p.m.

Grand daughter who once insulted her father not knowing he was her father realises her father was really her father and wants to take revenge on her grand mother because the director said she should.

11:00 p.m.
I yanked out my cable connection.

I wish my life was half as interesting.
Actually, maybe not.

It'll take me a while before I pay attention to my life again. I'm still gloating over poor Hot teacher's lost love with color blind unemployed man and bad grand daughter who has no clue how the rash on her back has anything to do with going to bed in sequin saris with the lights on full blast.


KKuch KKeeda hai.


Vinothraj said...

OMG! Excellent post there!!
Sheesh, thank God i don't watch the telly anymore these days..

BTW did you type everything while watching the serials in real time or did you actually manage to remember 2.5 hours of serials then write it down (if its the latter, i'm impressed :)) ):|

One thing left unmentioned is that sometimes the actors act on different serials that get broadcast one after the other! i guess that adds to the konfusion. ;))

of course, i wouldn't know coz i dont watch the telly :-"

Keep it up Rae :)


Vinothraj said...

Correction: i meant same actors in different serials.. for eg. there were these consequtive serials in which a lady (surprise) plays a "good" character and a complete role reversal in the next serial..

how will i know whether to hate her or not :))

Monolith... said...

I gave up halfway...I'm surprised you didn't!!


therapy said...

This was hilarious.

really, i laughed and laughed

Woman?? said...

Ha ha...

Does TV imitate real-life, or does real-life imitate TV?

Ajith said...

After glancing thru, my memories go back to the the ragging sessions that we gave our juniors to watch TV serials and narrate those stories in 500 word essays.. :) ( Just got here after some random blog-browsing )

akhil said...

I'm impressed you remembered the whole damn thing... Not only that you also managed to draw an analogy of sorts...
You rock Rae...
I shall keep this in mind if and when i happen to stop at such a channel. I'm sure the experience will be more or less the same. Maybe i'd forget..

Actually.. i'm sure i would.

Rae said...

UPDATE: sob!!! aunty#2's very nasty!!

Neeraj's gonna die. either that or his beckham son's in the same school hot teacher works it. Bad Archana's falling for a doc in london. (he dresses well)

Firefighting rebirth of joan of ark has successfully pissed off some members of family by refusing to eat dhokla. (how, i duNNO.)

I am still on cable cos i figure since i gotta pay my bills next month, i might as well endure the pain of it as well.

for updats on serials, watch this space.

Anonymous said...

Lol....u could put ekta kapoor outta business...i sincerely hope u do ! great going..HILARIOUS!

The Chosen Reject said...

One of the most brilliant posts i've read of yours...absolutely hilarious...!

Especially the 9 pm slot killed me!

Venom said...

Scanning Rae brain ....Scanning Rae brain.....!!

You sure you're still okay?

Jonathan said...

Ever watched bold and the beautiful. THe concept of the that show is "If it Moves, sleep with it!"