Thursday, October 26, 2006

I miss me

Today, I sat alone at my regular old coffee bar. By my table, was the one more often than not occupied by haunted children who never grew to be men, for over a year now.
I am usually accompanied by three friends and four coffees in my regular sessions that last for over three hours.
Today, I sat alone at my regular old coffee bar.

ordered my coffee before discovering it was already smiling at me with all its pleasant filtered aroma. I watched the froth of the morning's milk brew into my hot cup of caffeine and puzzled, I stared into the little hot bubbles that brimmed to the sides of the chipped ceramic cup. I counted one hundered and twenty two bubbles before I was bored. Again.

This place was familiar; my table, my cup, my broken chair, almost like how you carefully stepped to your right, groping in the dark or you knew you would bang into the red couch you insisted on having in the centre of the room, even when the lights were off.

I was comfortable, but uneasy.
I decided I had to stay to find out why. I am used to being alone in coffee shops, in bus stops, at home, in my head.. this was least different.

I realised I was missing something. I was missing someone. It wasn't my friends, those who accompany me and my four coffees everyday over arbid conversation. It wasn't the air, the sleeplessness, it was me. I missed myself.

The other side of me had gone off on a vacation with my ambition, my passions, obsessions for over a year now. I realised I missed my reason to be, who was off praying by a lake enveloped by mist by the stone of old temples.

What remained, was longing, life, and a chipped cup of now lukewarm coffee.


~S*nsual Sangeetha~ said...

Oh my gosh ur style of writting. Its amusing ......u shud write a book seriously!

Si said...

I was where you were..maybe in a few ways, I still am. But what I understood as I walked through life, was that sometimes its okay to miss yourself. Just like the absence of light realizes darkness, the absence of goal breeds the rage to for an awakening...I am awake lately, are you?

tharunya said...

hmmm. melancholy, much? :)

seeker said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
vichchoobhai said...

Rae, how the heck does your boss allow u to spend three hours at the coffee bar? Or was it a Sunday? And cant u find a better bar, say Cafe Coffee Day, instead of the dilapidated one with broken chairs and chipped cups meant exclusively for broken hearts. Mind u, dont drink from where the chips are. They harbour deadly germs. Who knows whose lips kissed it last?

And how do u count the bubbles in your coffee? They burst faster than u can count. Better count the stars in the sky, by daytime. U r lonely and lost. U say half of u is not there. Is it the left half or the right half? If it is the left half u dont have with u - U R ALL RIGHT; STALE JOKE THAT ONE.

U graduated from kebabs to Coffee. What will it be next? Do remember me if it is ambrosia u r sipping next I wanna be there to share it with u. And donot forget to bring the other half of u when u come along.
Happy drinking? By the way, the content of caffeine in coffee is much less than that of theobromine.
See u baar baar.

Hey! by the way I am not working for Doordarshan and have not come here to interview u sarkari style!

seeker said...

Its highly entropic state!..have fun

therapy said...

i like the journey from kababs to coffee.
the dark chocolate though is the winner.

Gutterflower said...

Been there.

Dark Chocolate is still your best entry by far though.