Saturday, September 29, 2007

Drama Queen

Anna Karenina could not have been mere imagination, I decided. I was talking to her reference.

"Why didn't you call?"
" Was out."
"Where have you been???"
"Why aren't you talking to me these days?"

Silence. It seems the safest option when you've nothing more to add. Silence is also a little like guerilla warfare. Unbeatable, unless the enemy can camaflouge himself like you do.

"You've no time for me." *Sob*

I 'Tch-ed' for a bit as I got back to reading an article on the net with the phone heating my ear lobe. The voice on the other end rattled, whined and ached.

I seemed to myself at this moment like the burly, insensitive cheat in a striped t-shirt and old jeans that most beautiful and bruised women curse, hate and condole each other about in support groups before going home to make love to the beast.

Only, the beautiful bruised woman wasn't my girlfriend.

"Talk to me, Rae!"

"I just spoke to you half an hour back, Ma!"

We have the equations of a romantic relationship, my mother and I.
If my mother was my boyfriend, I'd probably ask her for a break.

I can imagine it.

"Why! Why are you doing this?! Why don't you talk to me?! There's.. someone else, isn't it?
That Karishma's mother! I knew it the day you told me she makes biryani like me!"

I don't get it, honestly. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I love my mom, its a biological liability. But I wonder, since everyone tells me that motherhood is as much pleasure as it is pain, why love is, in the most basic, instinctive of forms so painful.

I try to look at her as another person, a third dimension to herself besides her being mother and wife.
She is a woman. A woman who loves so much, it hurts. It amazes me how I'm so much like her, but fail to understand her need to love, her need to pain.

Thanks for nothing, Tolstoy.


Karish said...

I shall inform my mother about your noble Oedipus ideas. She will be terribly pleased!

Karish said...

You think she'll stop giving you those weird looks though?

Rae said...

na. she's busy watching some tamil villian with fifteen hundred chains dangling down his neck scheming against dark ugly woman in yellow with big bust.

Karish said...

Correction. She is busy reminding me of my horrendous betrayal of that contract I signed in her womb. Remember?

the stygian sailor said...

a biological liability is a libility.
you have to bear it i guess
as i bear the intellectual libility of my dad..thats a story i wont blog about..

the stygian sailor said...


Monolith... said...

its all in the family. and say hi to your mum for me. i'm sure she'll call pretty soon.

vichchoobhai said...

Hi Reshma

deja vu U wrote a similar blog when u were in Bangalore, remember?
and i took your mother's side in the so called spat u had with her
and I offered to be adopted by your mom as her son and u called me Bhayya. This is a later day version datelinedn Mumbai

U havent changed Rae

Lage raho behen

Rae said...

true, brother. as you can see, she hasn't changed either!

Bland Spice said...

why do you-we-i end up hurting the mothers most? why can't they be more like the fathers - giving and taking - but with a breaking point.

Rae said...

bland spice: cos that's what daughters do, I guess!